The Bloody Cat Crossed My Road

We all have to endure awkward moments but not as much as I do. Today was no different.

My roommate, who was supposed to be out on a long vacation, caught me while I was just about to pick one of his nuttesiously- delicious, caramel filled, mouthwatering, heart-pumping, caramel delight he left on his table. After getting caught, I didn’t have much choice but to exhibit my pearly white teeth and  say ,”Heyyyy, could I have some of these?”

I hoped it would have had ended there. He also found out that I had been using his fan, his Ethernet cable (mine won’t work), his chair as an extension to mine (the dorm provides a chair that’s enough to fit one portion of my ass. And no, my ass is not big), his…yeah that list goes on. It must have taken a while for him to accept the fact that most of his “useful” things were gravitated towards my side (the fan does an excellent job), the pure chap. In my defense regarding the chocolate, you don’t leave your chocolate on the table and go on a vacation. No. not with a hungry, round bellied Nepali around who spends most of his time putting edibles in his mouth.

And we all have those “cat crossed the road” moments but not as much as I do. Today was no different.

I don’t know what is up with cats and crossing the road and I don’t get WHY cats HAVE to cross the road (as if they need to go grocery shopping or something. “Hey Cat, where are you upto?” and the Cat would reply, “You know, ran out of salt. Need salt in my fish. My owner does not care!”) but my...it just irritates me to the core. Maybe it’s just me but shit has happened in the past which has truly led me to believe that plural nouns “cats” and “roads” don’t go that very well with the verb “to cross”

I was minding my own business today, just coming back from a project meeting, humming tunes to myself and walking through shades to avoid getting extra burnt. Then, out of nowhere, this cat pops right in front of me.

*this is how I like to remember the Cat-crossing-the-road-episode*

The cat stares blankly into my eyes as it waits for me to take a step further up. I stand there not knowing what the cat is thinking (They should have a “cat mind reading” course up at our university, I am sure a lot of people would have been enthused about it). We both lock our eyes upon each other. I make my eyes smaller to show the cat that I mean business. The cat does not give a shit. He starts to cross the road.

Not knowing what I should do next, and in desperation, I pointed out in the other direction and said,”Fish!! Fishh!!”. I even tried saying that in an Indian accent adding “Aree Betta, Fishh!!!, Fissh!!!!” just to see if the curry flavored accent would work. Nope. How about a different language? AHA! Korean might do the trick , “야!! 물고기, 맜이는 물고기!!!”  The cat ended up crossing the road even faster. As lekha di would look up into the heavens and say “Godddd!&*”, so did I. I was afraid somebody would come up to me and show me the direction towards the nearest mental hospital, but fortunately for me, there was no one.

Note to cat:

if you are reading this, stay the hell out of my road.