The Angry Drunk

I love strawberries. Absolutely love them..dont you?

I also happen to like fermented barleys but that has not got me into a lot of trouble. Soju has.

It is not that I have a thing for Soju. I ask my fellow Korean friends why this transparent liquid that smells like hospital floor and tastes like licking that very same floor is their de facto drink.  

“Its obvious isn’t it?” they reply, taking a shot of the abused substance in discussion, “Its damn cheap.” And it is. If there are about a million roads to getting drunk, this would be THE midnight stroll. It is unfortunate green omnipresence in every outing shows that there is absolutely little you can do but to drink it and as Koreans say, “Don’t think about the taste. let it flow”

But I just wished that it ended there. After tinkering and tickling the memory for a while, I finally came up with some not so proud drunk states that I had to go through during romantic nights with the green bottle. One in particular, the angry state, seemed to come out depressingly often.

Last night drinking blew the top, literally. Since I have absolutely no memory of what happened the other night, 3rd party observers had a pretty vivid description of what I did and by listening to all of this, I have to feel very lucky that I am not behind bars or having to deal with brick pieces on my head.

In all seriousness, what bloody asshole am I?

Since I didn’t really know whom to talk to about this, I turned to the internet for some help and I have to say there were some pretty amusing stuff.

This in particular:

And after a night of Gai Jatra, the website stated the three steps to recovery:
1. Admitting you were a dick: Check.
2. Deny all knowledge: Well, all I remember is a black patch.
3. Stand by what you said: Tough one I have to say, given all the rant I was throwing around.

I had to go to the core of this and it does turn out that suppressing anger while being sober can vent out in the state of intoxication. Common sense would give you the same answer, however, the catch lies here: I wasn’t angry with anyone present nor had I suppressed anger. I am an angry person and I like to show it.

This being said, there were stages when I was young where I couldn’t physically impose myself and had to bury my anger deep beneath the skin. Was it possibly that? I still struggle with all that happened in my early years in that residential school but mm, to come up like that every now and then after almost a decade means that I have some serious issues that need attention. Whether that’s by taking Judo (the gayest game, in my opinion. You have absolutely no clue what the hell is going on) lessons or going for boxing, looks like I will need to vent that anger into something that’s more constructive.

What really interested me was that I was particularly annoyed by certain trigger words.
“I don’t know..but you seem to get angry and start punching whenever the word ‘puke’ came up” , said a friend who was at the scene of the crime. I am no psychologist but what I did realize was that trigger words like these did make a significant mood changing impact on me. I was always thought to be physically “weak” at school and I seemed have developed this defense mechanism where words associated with weakness like for instance, puking, had a profound way of irking me to the core. It seems very much clear to me that this could be the case.

“So what’s the morale of the story?” she asked over the phone after detailing the incident, “Stop drinking?”

True. But right after this soju.

nahh, just kidding.  


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