I see what you did there, God.

One of my very first attempts at logical thinking came at the age of four when I was trying to make sense of why it rains. At that time, due to sheer lack of bedtime stories, was I was told that there were 330 million gods roaming around the deserted vast lands of the sky. Since each god was portrayed as near human who had non-human powers and that they ate and feasted and looked at pretty fairies dancing, I thought that at some point, they needed to go and pee too. That was when all the missing pieces came together to make the most perfect sense ever;

Rain is god’s pee!

The only regret I had at that time was why I hadn’t thought this brilliant logic before. If the concept of scientific paper writing was clear to me at that time, I would have simply gone to become a prolific scholar who published papers about God going to the toilet. It was a match that was literally made in heaven.

I was of course, been told that it was not the case by my parents. I had just gone, “oh yeah? Bullshit” but when my geology teacher brought the topic out in second grade, I ended up giving up the idea. Now here’s the thing; when your teacher says something, you listen. You listen real hard till you believe it ‘cause if you don’t there’s no lunch. Hard on kids who drooled all day long about how their mom had just packed in steamy, juicy, orgasmic momos for upcoming break.

Anyways, I was heartbroken that day. Twenty years on though, the thought still gives me those chuckles, especially when it rains.

So I chuckled when it rained yesterday and I chuckled when it rained today. You see, the Korean weather gives you that chance to chuckle from time to time when you least expect it. Very, very strange, erratic weather we have here. I remember a friend of mine once posted a short but beautifully composed letter stating his anxiety. It went;

Dear Weather,
Fuck you. 
Yours faithfully,
Me and a large annoyed mass living in Seoul.

I feel you “bro.” I really do.


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