No bity, bity.


Here suari, suari!

The act of biting itself is not a new concept. We have being doing so even before we had baby tooth coming out, trying to tear crayons and kindergarten papers into pieces and chewing on rubbery deliciousness of erasers. Its fundamental to how we behave, because that’s what we do every day, isn’t it? We bite the shit out of burgers and pizzas and chicken curry and bottle caps and what not.

Change those pizzas into live human flesh and that’s a different story entirely. It’s not that I haven’t bitten anyone. Or my own dog hasn’t bitten me. We bite and get bitten all the time. It’s painful but we have a general defensive mechanism that prompts us to do so. This one time when I was still showing off my shiny new white Taekwondo belt to people, I was basically man handled by my opponent. Instead of actually kicking and punching, he was going all gay judo on me which was frankly, not allowed. Having all of dynamic organs pinned to the ground, my survival instincts took over and I bite the shit of that guy.

He never dared gay judo-ed me again.

Similar story with my dog, I wouldn’t give him my pizza. After a tedious amount of teasing, he finally thought that biting my juicy arse was the way around the problem and a moment later, he was gnawing on the same pizza I had eluded from him for so long. Smart ass dog.

Yet with all this, it’s hard to see why a player of Suarez’s caliber would go on to be bite on his opponents. And it’s not his first time either.

Regular people who have wasted too much of their time watching people pass around the ball for 90 plus minutes will know that the first time he did so, everybody thought it was preposterous yet clever. Using any of your limb and your head would give you a straight red, but with one final weapon of mass biting left in the equation, Suarez made sure he used it all too well. Of course, in an era where every player is heavily scrutinized by myriad of cameras, he couldn’t possibly get away from getting penalized. But for the game itself, the referee has had a hard to having to decide sending off someone without having actually seen zombie like activity.

Suarez, you sneaky toothy bastard.

The second time he did that though, having served a lengthy ban of what? 8? 9? games, people started to seriously think that there’s something wrong inside that racist head of his. Tell you what, you can gnaw on people on the football pitch anywhere in the world, but not in epl, please. You have to realize that English media do not even need to have controversies to harass players. They simply invent them. And when you go all 28 days later on a Chelsea defender, you are bound to have posters appear everywhere. 10 games later though, he was back on the pitch having pledged never to do so again.

Very hungry indeed.
Literally.
As the clichés of cliché, “Promises are meant to be broken” goes, the Uruguayan star couldn’t resist his biting instincts again, going all Italian this time. Some itchy tooth, I have to say. I understand that he wants more of mozzarella spread over his Pizza capricciosa, but couldn't he have just waited for a bit more time though? Having had played a game of tiring, straining football a day ago, I can see that he can crave for carbs but, come on man, why would do even think about doing that.

Interestingly, it so happens, that there were quite a number of people who thought he would bring his inner suarez again. Bookies in Denmark had the option of betting on zombie suarez and some people did seem to have made quite a buck. A report stated that a guy who betted 3 bucks netted a total profit of over 900 dollars. Very nice indeed, think about all the momos you can buy with that. 

To be honest, I am appalled that bookies even thought that there were odds that could be lashed out. Stranger things have happened in this world, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at all for people being humans.

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