Men's Practical Guide to Getting Dumped

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Shit happens.

You fall off a bike, get your tooth broken, pass out for a while. You never hear from a company that you invested a lot of time and more time into. You become homeless. You trash your very expensive car and get your hands all f**ked up. You hear the news that someone close to you just passed. 

Shit really happens. But then, life has a way of moving on. 

You stand up, dust yourself up and head to the hospital. You apply to other companies who have interest in you and offer you a position. You find people who will take you in and give you space even if the space itself isn't enough for them. You head to Nepal and somehow learn Sanskrit (the real Cumberbatch has no f**king clue how hard that language is to master) and become Doctor Strange. You take a moment to remember what impact they made in your life and pray for his/her departure. 

You know exactly what to do. Then you get your heart broken. Shattered, molested, raped and then dragged into the dungeons to be fed into multiple headed hell dragons that feast on every living, breathing cell that they can find. 

As you hear her close the door and her footsteps slowly fade into the abyss, you find yourself sitting down, whether it's at a dark cold subway station or the warmth of your own home, you feel completely numb, and remarkably at the same time, like a seriously bad tequila-injested hangover, unable to get rid of the pain that has just been inflected. 

That's all fine and melodramatic but what's even worse is you don't know what to do next.

So here's the steps to recovery:

The moment she breaks-up
Understand that down below, you have a ball sack. Man up, for christ/buddha/330million hindu god's sake. Look her in the eye and nod and let her go. Let her give you shit, frankly, just nod. Whatever she says, thank her for the good times (getting rid of her stuff right there helps immensely, but it's highly subjective) and just take a sit. Hear the door close behind you. Hear her footsteps slowly but steadily fade.

The first one minute
Let the walls close down on you. Let your breathing race up. Let your body do its thing. If you need to, let the tears fall. Let more tears fall. Tell yourself it's fine.

The first five minutes
Stay put, get a glass of water.

The first ten minutes
Find your phone and call the two people that pops into your head first. I don't mean hers. Just anyone but her. Talk to the person on the other side. Talk some more. Let him/her hear you out. 

The first 30 minutes
Wrap up the prep talk. At this point, feel a little better. Get a glass of bourbon. No ice.

The first one hour
Go to the bathroom, clean up that mess on your face. Look at yourself for a moment. Look a little more. Be a little depressed again and head out to your wardrobe. Change your clothes. 

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The first few hours
Get the hell out of the place where you got dumped. Go for a walk, go meet a close friend, hide in some mountain, I don't really care, just get out. Feel the air, be in the moment and talk to yourself/friend if necessary. Get an imperial stout, most likely, Dragon's Milk because your heart just got eaten by a dragon. Helps.

The first night
Be lonely. Seriously lonely. Miss her hugs and cuddles. Miss her presence. Try not to go mad. It's ok to miss a person you spent quality time with. Miss everything about her more. Feel like complete shit. Fall asleep. 

The first day
Subjective but, delete her from all SNS. Repeat this: it's done. It's really f**king done. She is as good as dead. You can't contact a dead person can you? Sure you miss her but that's about it. Think she is dead. Imagine, seriously imagine, that she is dead. 

Again subjective, but throw her stuff out of the window and try not to hit anyone down below. Challenge yourself not to hit anyone. It's ok to hit some, you are having a bad day, let everyone else share some of your pain. Laugh if it actually does hit someone. 

Be lonely at night again. 

The first week
Absolutely vital to stay put and LEARN. Read books and blogs on relationship. Understand why it didn't work out. Have those "ahhhhhh, i see" moments. Read more, read little more and basically start devouring everything there is to learn about women. Understand that nobody is as good as a teacher as you are. Talk to your mentors, if you don't have them then, check these guys out: Amante Chase (gives straight up, science backed, practical advice on basically EVERYTHING about life) and Julien Blanc (notoriously famous for manhandling women which I found really weird but has some absolute gem of advice-s, if you can find them). Learn from new found mistakes, change. Improve.

The first one month
Get back to your hobbies. Get back into social circles. Improve a little more. Keep learning and applying. If you feel it's fake and it's not you, keep doing it. Fake it till you make is a cliche but one that really holds true. Further learn and grow. 

Miss her. Miss her as she is dead.

The first few months
Change gears and meet people. Anyone. Not women but just about anyone. Shy type? Well this is the chance. No self-pity. Fake being social. Find new people in other social circles. Join groups, head out to parties. The younger, the better. This is the time to be rejected anyways. Numb through experience. Numb social anxieties but make sure to feel them before you numb them. Face fear head on. More rejections from social circles? find the next one. There are just too many people in the world. 

And yes, dress better. 

The first six months
Start seeing someone you like from your army of social circles. Get rejected, get rejected a little more. Learn, repeat. 

Find her. You know what to do now. 

The first one year
Look at the one picture you kept of her. Smile. Life's not that suck-y after all. 


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