We ALL have something to talk about our Roommate(s)



I am making myself a hot chocolate as we speak. Not the old way of putting hot cocoa powder in the water and drinking. That’s too mainstream (cheers vodka).It’s a much easier technique of biting on a deformed, week old tobleron that I had with me for a whole week in my pocket, drink hot water, let the water melt out the chocolate for a while and eventually let the taste buds do its thing. I honestly wanted to share the swiss milk chocolate with the guy behind me, butt..resources are limited right now. Besides, he was notoriously conspicuous about what he was dreaming last night which made me want to not sleep on my soft, squishy, ever accommodating bed. I had to drag myself out to the couch in the common room to get a sip of hidden memory inside that brain of mine.

For last week and before that, in exception to the weekends, coming back from 301 to the dorms was often delayed to 2 am which obviously meant that the guy behind me was dozing off.  And by the time I woke up he was already gone. So basically what’s happening here is that even if we do live in the same room, we don’t see each other. I see halal more often these days, even if he is one annoying prick.(although he is developing superior sense of humor these days)

What I do know about my roommate, and what I tell you about him is that he is a nice guy. When I used to live with Halal, our room was divided into two portions: One side spotlessly clean, the other one looking like somebody just dropped a nuke. These days there’s more consistency in how it looks on both sides; meaning both sides are nuked as hell.  He understands me. He is nice to talk to and practice my never improving Korean, he shares the same love for food as me and he is the only Korean who prefers Fifa to League of Legends. I desperately need a gamepad although I can’t expect to compete with Koreans in anything.  I cant even beat my own clone on that game. Any game. Except league of legends if I play teemo.

Everything about him seemed fine. I lived in the dorms all my life and I have a high level of tolerance to what happens around my bed (on my bed as well), so I do get along with people well. I think they have more problems with me than I have problems with them. So its all chill. Untill one day…

I came back to my room sick and tired of 301, took a quick shower, got something to eat after all the brushing and quietly slipped inside my bed.  And then I hear something very strange. I cant really express it in words but I recall it being a mix of wild animal sounds. Imagine a penguin on an iceberg crying out for its..mm..mom lets say, and then juxtapose it to (change the scenario to the wild grass fields of Africa) a zebra crying out when an crocodile gets hold of it while it’s just trying to drink some f*&^ing water (not cool croc, not cool) and then remix it with a track of the worst possible sound on earth (could be your Prof voice, that angry lady at the book store who wouldn’t give you the book you want, halals voice, me speaking Korean..atleast I try) and wollahh! what you have in your mind is the sound that my roommate makes while he is sleeping. A truly talented specimen. Of all the people I have shared room with all these years, he makes the most absurd noise while on sleep. And trust me, I have heard horrible shit.  I thought he was drugged when he did that for the first time. I honestly would have preferred Maskey Senior’s “earthquake” snore to this.

To be fair, I do share my dads genes in that respect but man..making DJ’ed  animal sound while sleeping is a whole new level. Ideally, you are supposed to talk to your roommate and find a common solution to the given problem (which is huge), but I don’t think talking really solves the problem. If he does not do that, he is NOT him for christs sake.
But I like to see things in positive light. Suppose, lets just suppose he turns up to be a criminal. A big gangster guy although by judging the manner through which he expresses himself, this is highly unlikely but who knows? So suppose he becomes a criminal and he does this all horrible shit on people and then goes on to do the plastic surgery and the police have a hard time finding out exactly who they caught, they know just the right guy with the right technique to figure that out.

“Officer”..i will say, giving them that Tony Stark look… “give them all a sleeping pill.In the mean time, i want a glass of water and toblerone”

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