That Train Ride in India
source: google |
As I
am writing this on a train platform waiting for that speedy KTX to take me back
home, I am looking at these two pigeons who have got themselves very
comfortable with the human kind. It’s almost like one of them comes over and
gives you that cool “what’s up” look while the other makes sure that he/she has
his/her say as well. Oh wait..now there’s three. And four..five..eight..
What’s
happening guys? Slow it down will you, AND Birdie! That’s not an earthworm for
christs sake!
Stupid
shoe lace devouring birds.
Alright,
enough with our winged brothers and back to actually making the blog a blog. Today
I will touching on travelling because 1. I love travelling and 2. that I am
kinda travelling right now. But since the verb itself is a very broad topic to
discuss, I will be specifically talking about train rides. Especially one in
particular that I made in India in 2006.
If
anyone has had experience with south Asian geography, they will know that the
city of Banglore in India is quite some distance from the nearest city in India
that borders Nepal. For anyone feeling adventurous, it takes about two full
days of riding on a crappy train; and by crappy I mean really crappy. Of
course, we didn’t take the AC (Air-conditioning) class but rather the standard
class which ensured that we had as much “fun” throughout as we possibly could.
The compartment:
Forget
privacy, because these compartments are as public as a public bathrooms. Anyone
is allowed in and anyone is allowed out as long as they don’t steal your seats.
Which also means that it’s quintessential that you bring a heavy duty chain
along to lock up your luggage to the train.
The
seats were made comfortable enough but not comfortable to sleep on; which we
obviously had to do later on. The fun part was that three individuals had to
share a side of the compartment at night meaning the seats would fold into a
triple bunk bed. I got the top one with a great view of someone I didn’t know
strategically placed at the direct of opposite of where I was sleeping. We both
had to stick our asses out to avoid any chance of rude awakening.
The compartment window:
As
people of AC class had complete isolation from the world outside, the standard
class had just the opposite. The windows almost made you feel like you are a
culprit and that you have been locked behind rusty looking metal bars. The
difference being just that you are allowed to smuggle in and out anything you
wish.
The
windows also acts your infinite capacity dustbin. Need to throw away that
plastic wrapper? No problem! Just shove it out. Need to clean your hand without
having to stand up, well you have just the right place to do it! Need to clean
out your nose, you better do it at the basin Mr.!
The bathroom:
No
review is really complete without describing in length how the bathroom looked
like. To be honest, I tried, I really tried not to shit for two full days. But
with all the eating I did without even a single step all day, it was
physically, and mentally impossible to keep it in. The horror show had just began.
Let
me tell you this though, by writing down how I felt about the bathroom does no
justice to what I had experienced but I will try to do my best to give you a
picture of how awfully difficult it is to poop inside a moving train* (*in
India that is). Imagine this; you are tasked with cleaning out your bowl in a
violently shaky toilet with only a hole to show for. And yes there was nothing
else but a hole. A ugly looking one too. So basically one had to aim holding
strategically placed handles on both sides.
Timing
was the key my friend as stability was a major, major concern. Why not do the
job while the train stopped…well you were basically not allowed to!
The people:
Now
here the thing, India has probably the most eccentric bunch of people that god
could have ever created. It almost feels that the almighty was too busy playing
ludo with his other god friends and was so into the game that he completely
forgot to take care of the people there.
While
this might influence you to think that I am one brother-hating racist bastard,
which to a certain extent I am, let me give you an example to illustrate my
point. While on our way to our designated place, we stopped at a place called
Lucknow. A couple of random people jumped right in and spread across the train
to do stuff I really didn’t care. Until this kid showed up right in front of
our compartment.
He
must have been about 8 years old, he was lean, very lean and had a dark dark
skin. He quickly scanned our faces and having understood that these people
sitting down playing cards were alien to him, took time to just stand there and
take the info in. And then he did something that really startled everyone; he
started stripping his tops.
Hey
little brother, I cried out, what are you doing?
He
didn't listen, he went about taking his shirt off and then proceeded on doing
something that I swear to god will go down to my graves. He started wiping the
floor with the same shirt he was wearing!
Hey,
I tried to speak but words didn't really come out. A puff of air was all that I
had to show for to be honest. He wiped and wiped and then stood up and casually
put it on.
He
then stretched out his hands for money.
I
never had that “HERE! TAKE MY DAMN MONEY!!” moment before but boy…was it
strong.
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